A Very Serious, Not At All Tongue-in-Cheek, Fountain Pen Dictionary

Penjoyment. The state of good cheer that arises when pen and ink make writing fun.

Pendless. Your wishlist.

Penabler. All your pen friends. Or you drop them.

Penergized. That hopeful, exhuberant feeling that arises when you walk into a pen store or pen show or start browsing online — or even when you think, “Today’s the day I’ll clean out some pens.”

Penthusiast. How you describe yourself to your spouse, just before you start having merchants ship to your office.

Penthrallment. The knowledge that you must have a certain pen or ink, and it will be the last one you ever buy.

Penuui. Boredom with writing instruments, either the last one you bought, or all of them.


1. The unexpressed, uncomfortable feeling that, while you really couldn’t be happier that your friend got this sought-after fountain pen or ink, now that she has it, you feel left out, and your pens and inks seem second-rate in comparison.

2. If the possessor isn’t your friend, the feeling needn’t be kept secret, and can be expressed with a witty dig at the object or the possessor, or both.


1. A person with whom you send letters back and forth.

2. A person you have owed a letter to for three months. See, Penemy.

Penemy. A person who used to be your penpal, until your replies became so slow.

Penitent. A person who replied too slowly to her penpals.

Penvelope. A real word, for an attractive but expensive leather pen case that you consider buying when you have bought too many pens to contain any other way. If you have at least two Penvelopes, see, Pensanity.

Pensanity. Peak pen purchasing madness.

Penlightenment. The state of feeling satisfied with the pens you already have, which must last longer than three months or until you save up for the next one.

Pend. The end of this blog post.



10 thoughts on “A Very Serious, Not At All Tongue-in-Cheek, Fountain Pen Dictionary

  1. Love it! I was doing similar pen jokes the other day, and got my wife started. Here are some of hers:

    What do you call up a Bear who likes to write letters?
    A penda

    What do you call up a Communist Bear who likes to write letters?
    A Red Penda

    What’s a fountain pen lovers least favorite surgery?

    What’s a fountain pen lovers favorite plant?
    A Penstemen

    Liked by 2 people

  2. One of the best things ever written. Well, actually, it might BE the best thing ever written regarding pens. That would make it the Penultimate!

    (Which would make it one before the very best. Which now bothers me. I must think this through. I grow Pensive,..)

    Liked by 6 people

  3. These are great! I particularly liked the pennui and the pensanity, which I suppose could lead to being sectioned, which involves having all your nibs taken away and being left with only barrels and caps.

    Liked by 4 people

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